Thanks to www.domesticdivadelights.com for the baking art
UPDATE Monday, 2:19pm: It has come to my attention that the following open letter rubbed some people the wrong way. While I was momentarily excited for a Sinead O’Connor/Miley Cyrus-style SEO-goldmine of a feud, in my heart of hearts, I was deeply saddened to hear that I may have offended anyone. To be honest, this post was spurred by people who have felt comfortable passing judgment on my choice of activities and my initial feelings of inadequacy that I didn’t provide the same domestic ambiance as they do. So yeah, there was a part of me that felt a little fiery. But I was aiming for humor — not to criticize how anyone spends their time. The point of this letter is that we all “deep dive” into things we love – be they domestic pursuits, sporting pursuits or whatever – that’s why we all share the “Diva” surname. We talk about balancing family, work and free time pursuits, but the fact is we drown in guilt when we’re not at the apex of performance in any of those categories. Read carefully, my beloved Divas of all disciplines. I’m trying to release my own guilt from watching you outperform me on the home front. We may not have the same free-time interests… and that is okay. I do different things, but I very much admire what you accomplish and I’m jealous of the meal that will grace your table this Thanksgiving. My family won’t be getting (or expecting) a five-star meal from me this Thursday, but perhaps we’ll go on an awesome bike ride together before the delivery turkey shows up. Here’s to all of us!
Dear Domestic Diva,
I write to you today to enter a plea as it’s that time of year again. May I ask for your full attention? Please? If you could just put down the vintage fabric, step away from the premium kitchen mixer and set aside the handmade memory quilt (lookin’ good by the way). I’ve got an issue to discuss.
The clear-cut fact that I hold nothing resembling prowess in the kitchen or home decorating departments becomes much more noticeable and animated toward the end of November. I don’t like feeling like I’m getting my ass kicked, but guess what? You’re puttin’ the hurt on me, hard. With each and every handmade gift, slow-cooked meal and Bedazzled apron. Please. Stop. Now.
Running my own company, raising two kids, holding down a marriage and training for the 2014 road racing season is kind of a lot to manage. Thanks to you, I now ‘need’ to research stuffing recipes and figure out homemade gifts for the neighbors. Hello!? Hampster on the wheel over here with a to-do list that’s now touching the ground, thanks to the holiday cooking, party and craft circuit that’s in full f-ing swing right now. If you drop off one more of those perfectly crafted and unique handmade picture frames to my kid’s teacher I WILL come to your house and T.P. it!
You know, I would bet at any other time of year, I would want to take you to tea or something because I’m pretty sure we’re related. I mean, we share the same species classification:
A species is defined by and quoted from Yahoo (see link below), “… as ‘an individual belonging to a group of organisms (or the entire group itself) having common characteristics.”
But let’s be honest. Aside from a shared love for homemade energy bars, the Domestic Diva and the Mountain Diva have very little in common other than the fact that we are both mammals and both female. We both wear our ‘tudes well, too, or we wouldn’t be classified as Divas. That’s pretty much the end of the similarities in my book.
No offense to you, my home-enhancing counterpart, but who in her right mind would opt to:
– Spend time making home-made seasoned party nut and Chex mixes when they could be riding a fat bike up La Plata Canyon, now that it’s snowed?
– Make a vodka infusion for a party when there’s a perfectly good box of wine at the wine store ready to go and on sale?
– Research how to make Moroccan-themed Holiday cookies from scratch when dawn patrol awaits (we just got a foot of fresh on the pass!)?
– Go to Pier 1 Imports, ever, when there’s a perfectly great outdoor store right next door?
– Read Rachael Ray or Martha Stewart when Freeskier, Skiing and Powder have just released their 2013-14 gear guides?
– Subscribe to Heritage Makers*, an online training platform for “digital scrapbooking at its best” when you could invest in TrainingPeaks*?
Before you drop in on that star-punched paper hurricane centerpiece project, hold on for a second. There are many of us Mountain Divas living in our outdoor-themed worlds who have no clue or desire how to make the holidays more festive at home by hand. And we don’t really have time to figure it out either (did I mention that we just got a foot of fresh on the pass?).
If YOU would stop kicking the sh*t out of it in the kitchen and in that crafting room, the lives of all Mountain Divas would be a lot better. With your unbridled hurricane of domestic activity that seems to touch down between November and Dec. 31 each and every year, you single-handedly raise the creation bar for ALL Divas, not just my kind.
Take the holiday gift request to our respective husbands:
Your dream gift recommendation to your husband, as directly quoted from Craftaholics Anonymous (see link below):
“Maybe make a basket of Cricut stuff: different papers, scissors, ribbons, jars, buttons, different Cricut sheets, replacement needle, and maybe a cricut cartridge that (I) may not have or maybe would love. Leave some cute love notes, maybe just a love letter or a mug that says (I’m) gorgeous (written in permanent marker and baked, of course), crafted by you!” (insert squeal of delight here)
My dream gift recommendation to my husband:
“Maybe get childcare set up and plan a trip to Tuscon with me in February for pre-season road bike training camp? Or, set up an organized bike-repair and maintenance section of the garage? Wait, wait, I know! Leave some cute notes, just use a Sharpie on duct-tape, on my skis, water bottles or ice climbing gear, telling me how cute I am and how gorgeous I look when I’m swinging tools in the ice park or throwing back that can of Upslope in the parking lot post ski tour.” (insert high-five here)
While I most certainly like participating in the Christmas holiday season, I want you to know that because of you, I have to hire out the cooking, decorating, shopping for gifts and wrapping (at least). I need to hold your proverbial wheel in this race. … Do you have any friends who need extra cash?
Priorities, priorities. I may have mentioned this (twice) already, but we did get a foot of fresh this weekend and it’s still snowing.
Is it just me, or is it kind of impossible to truly do it all?
The Mountain Diva
– Yahoo’s definition of a species
– ** Note taken directly from Craftaholics gift guide (an awesome site by the way)
– Upslope Brewery makes delicious craft beer in portable cans! Revolutionary!